This official declaration of a season change prompted a call to the florist shop. I ordered an arrangement of silk Fall flowers for mom and dad's grave. "So what?" you say.
This is a relatively new ritual in my life. As I was growing up, I honestly don't think we EVER visited a family member's gravesite just to visit or to decorate it up. If another family member died, we might meander over in the cemetery to see where another family member was buried, but that was it.
But when we buried Dad here in Glen Rose and Mom came to live with us, we'd go every now and then to visit Daddy's gravesite. For that one year that I was able to take mom, we'd take a small seasonally appropriate silk arrangement each season.
As I'm reflecting about it right now, I'm not quite sure how Mom felt about it. I would just suggest our going, and of course, (Those of you who knew her personality so well understand completely!) she would never say, "No, I don't want to." I can imagine her being OK with going, but feeling a little guilty (?) because Daddy would never have expected her to or maybe even approved of our going. He was very matter-of-fact about death. Dead was dead. Dead was gone.
To put that in a bit more of a perspective, he did have both a sister and a brother die while he was still a kid. But I've been told (by Mama) that he never even looked at his own mother's dead body. I think people worried about him because of that. I've been told that psychologist say that kind of behavior is an indication that a person never fully accepts that the loved one is gone. I don't think that was the case with Daddy. He accepted death and dealt with it very matter of factly. He never felt a reason to apologize with dealing with emotional issues in the way that suited him best. ...and, yes, sometimes his way of dealing with things was a little less than considerate of the ways that others dealt with them.
In contrast, Bob's mom (and her sisters) had a completely different take on visiting gravesites of family members. She would visit Bob's dad's grave on or around every significant holiday with flowers. Parents' graves would be visited regularly, too.
Anyway, all that meandering to say that I've kept up the little exercise of placing flowers on the grave of my mom and dad each season this past year. My reasoning? It just seems a respectful, peaceful thing for me to do. (and I know that the proximity of the cemetery to the house definitely is an issue!) Even though it's not physically Bob's mom's gravesite, the flowers are for her, too. I may never travel to Houston to put them on her actual plot, but these flowers evoke good memories of her, too.
This little seasonal exercise helps keep the circle of life in perspective for me, too...not in a sad way, just an "in-awe" way. (Ever heard of the Seasons of Life?!) We are expecting to welcome 2 new babies into our family within the next 6 months! What a blessing to be a part of their heritage!
And, yesterday, as I went out to place the flowers, I could see where a new grave had recently been dug. That helps to keep me aware that as I have many reasons to rejoice, there are others in this world--in my very community--that are hurting. I want to be Christ's heart and hands to reach out to them in all seasons.
